Film: Kaiser! The Greatest Footballer Never to Play Football

Today, I booked with Walking in London, and Katie of Look Up London! Delighted she has a new walk - Smithfield & Clerkenwell: Guts & Glory. It's actually cheaper on her own site than on Funzing - unless you're getting one of those common 10% discounts! However, just on Friday she messaged to say she had to cancel, unfortunately, due to family commitments. (Well, I had to cancel for myself, actually.) So that film list came in handy! Top for today was Kaiser: The Greatest Footballer Never to Play Football. Based on the true story of a Brazilian footballer who, through faking injury and frequently changing clubs, managed to live the footballer lifestyle without ever playing a match..! I wouldn't normally go for a football film, but the trailer looked really good.. it was on in my local Vue. Woucher actually has a voucher for Vue - five tickets for £20 - but they have a time limit, and I can't guarantee using them by then, so I won't bother.

Last night, when I checked, nobody had booked any seats for this, so I figured I was safe enough to leave it - even if there isn't a booking fee, I do like to leave my plans open when I can. I did a last-minute check today: no, nothing better had come up: yes, it still had the same high IMDB rating: so I finally checked the cinema website. Ehh - tried to, that is. It put me in a queue! I tried again - same thing. I Googled it - seems that, with the drizzly day we had today, the whole nation suddenly decided to go to the cinema, causing backlogs on both the Odeon and Vue websites! Half an hour later, when it finally let me in - sure enough, my showing was sold out. It's not a widely known film, but given its limited release, and that it was only showing today, I guess football fans in the know would be there..

I checked where else it was showing, and happily the next nearest - Picturehouse Central - had eight seats left. Out of a total capacity of 65 - you can check these things. So I booked! Same time as the showing at the Vue, but now it was going to take me longer to get there - still, I had time to shop, cook, and eat, before heading out. Of my bus options, one had me taking the bus from the stop right down the road, for the first time! It took no time to come, either. Changing in Angel, my second bus passed as I made my way to the stop - but again, another was along shortly; they were prompt, today.

Funnily enough, it wasn't until the driver announced he was terminating early that I remembered about the bike ride today. Handily enough, he was terminating at my stop anyway - poor fellow had to repeat himself several times, with the message that passengers for Victoria would be better off taking the Tube, as the bus was going to take an hour and 20 minutes, what with road closures. Me, I got off and walked a very short distance to the cinema, where I curiously checked whether I could still buy a ticket for the show. Sure enough, sold out. I took a seat in the downstairs bar to read some of the book I'm currently eagerly devouring, on Kindle on my phone. So handy.

When it got to half an hour beforehand, I went upstairs to the entrance to the screens - I wanted to be there promptly, this showing having unreserved seating. Unfortunately, it wasn't open yet - I took a seat in the bar at that level, where I illegally finished a packet of M&Ms I'd brought in myself. When I'd finished them, and read some more of my book, I moseyed over again - 10 minutes before showtime now. Still not open! I decided to hang around the entrance at this stage, in the company of pretty much everyone else who'd bought a ticket for the screening.. we never found out what the problem was, but it was well past start time when we were let in.

I needed to go to the loo, but decided that it'd be wiser to wait until afterwards, now. Got a decent seat - and gee, wouldn't you know it, although it was quite full, there were still empty seats. The lights were already down by the time they let us in, and the ads playing - I guess they forgot to delay the projector start.

The film starts off jokily, much like the trailer - lots of shots of gorgeous beaches, sunbathers, and actors playing the footballers' younger selves, complete with 80s fashions. Yes, think mullets, sunglasses, and Speedos - and all to a Samba soundtrack. Scenes of carnival, shots of people who knew the film's subject back in the day, falling over themselves laughing as they describe his audacity. We're told how he started in Ajaccio, then used that as an entry to Rio football clubs, where he started to feign injury, family tragedy and well, anything he could think of to avoid actually playing. People had no internet back then to check the facts.. still, they got suspicious, and he mightn't have got away with it for as long as he did if not for his spectacular ability to get girls to keep the teams entertained. So, blind eyes were turned.

Speaking of ruses, it's funny how his impersonation of Renato Gaúcho, whom he resembled and dressed like, got him into so many clubs, and so many women's beds. Nonetheless, Renato was, and apparently remains, a good friend. Interestingly, towards the end, the cracks start to appear in Kaiser's story - and you're left wondering whether you can believe a single word he says. As the film makers explain, it was their job to sort out the facts among all the lies.. but concede that still, nobody holds it against him. Truly a great conman.

Tomorrow, I'm taking myself to the Proms, at the Albert Hall, for the first time in ages. This one is An Alpine Symphony.

On Tuesday, I'm finally back with North London Friends, for Give My Regards to Broadway, Upstairs at the Gatehouse. Completely sold out now, I believe.

On Wednesday - London Literary Walks is taking a break! That was the day I was originally looking at films for - but what was coming top was Teefa in Trouble. A Bollywood film - fine: except when I watched the trailer, the jokes weren't quite as funny to me as I think they were to the makers, and there was a bit too much exaggerated action - think slo-mo, and people balancing motorbikes on their fingertips. And 2.5 hours of all that was, I thought, a bit much - so no thanks. Which left Sanju again. Not so much.. so I then thought about heading, with Up in the Cheap Seats (UITCS), to Julie, again at the National. Huh! Only tickets left were £50, when I checked! I then checked again.. they had two tickets for £26! Then they were gone, but they had £44 tickets.. think thy might be sold out now. Anyway, I've booked for a Heroism & Villainy Walking Tour (with Real Magic!), via Walking in London.

On Thursday, I was also booked with them - for The Summer Ghost Walk. I've been with this guide before - found him very good. And then.. Ryanair announced another bloody strike!! Yes, for the next day. Yes, when I was to go to Ireland for the weekend. So now I'm flying on Thursday, instead - happily, it was Funzing, so I'll get a refund. And they've even refunded me the credits that I used to book it! And I retain the record of bookings that'll earn me more credits. And at least I found out earlier this time, so booked an alternative flight earlier, so it was a bit cheaper.

On the 6th, Anthony's Cultural Events and Walking Activities Group is off to Westferry Circus again, for The Importance of Being Earnest. I RSVPed for that.. but then London Dramatic Arts announced that they were off to see One for Sorrow, at the Royal Court. They cleverly left the announcement until the theatre had sold out for that day - I guess there's an offer. So they were the only place I could get a ticket, and I did - probably at a slightly higher price than the theatre charged. Anyway, better than sitting on the grass, in the heat.

On the 7th, UITCS is off to When Midnight Strikes, Upstairs at the Gatehouse.

On the 8th, London Literary Walks is back with Brook Green - another area near where I used to live! Actually, the first medical practice that I registered with, in London. Nice nurse - one very narky doctor.

On the 9th, UITCS is back to the Camden Fringe, with How to Be a Londoner in an Hour, at the Hen & Chickens Theatre. Then I'm down to Helen's for the weekend, for a party..

And on the 13th, back with Anthony's Cultural Events and Walking Activities Group, back to Westferry Circus.. this time it's for A Woman of No Importance.