Play: Breeders

I got another Time Out voucher for Breeders - a 46% discount, £20 instead of £37.50. So I took myself along to the St. James Theatre tonight to see it.

The Tube arrived at the platform just as I did, but it was as well that I was a bit early, because the District Line was on its usual go-slow. Nonetheless, when we eventually chugged into Victoria, I was in plenty of time.

There was a short queue before I got my ticket - interestingly, when I noticed the face value printed on it, it said £16! Interesting, given that their own website is charging £37.50 for the exact same seat. Gee, you'd think they could get their story straight..? I didn't know in advance what exact seat I'd be getting, and suspected - correctly - that I wouldn't get the aisle. A pity, given the slightly cramped legroom here - but I figured I'd manage.

I was, in fact, dead centre of the row - which was nice. When I say the legroom is cramped, it isn't terrible - it's just that I feel very stiff after an hour of sitting like that, in a seat with a very straight back. (I'm 5'6'', for reference.) I pitied the guy sitting beside me, who looked much more uncomfortable.

And so to the show. Should I start with a blow-by-blow, I wonder, or with an overall assessment?

Let's do a blow-by-blow. Things that annoyed me about this production:

1. The very first thing you're subjected to is Tamzin Outhwaite singing, which is a sound that no living being should have to endure. Goodness knows, her speaking voice is grating enough!

2. Although the music is familiar, the words aren't, and I spent some mental energy trying to figure out why. It later transpires that they were singing, for some incomprehensible reason, in Swedish. If this is supposed to have a comic reason, I fail to see it.

3. Although there are only four characters in this play, Angela Griffin is barely more than a piece of furniture. When she does utter a phrase, she has no projection and you can barely hear her.

4. The comic timing is all off. Acting-wise, Tamzin is probably the best of them. As long as she doesn't sing.

5. It's. Just. Dull. The Time Out review described it as being like a sitcom - if I came across this on telly, I'd have changed the channel after the first scene. Despite some good one-liners, most of it is either puerile or - mainly - just plain boring. Yawn. Stop with the fillers and get on with the story!

On the plus side, I did like Tamzin's wardrobe.

And absolutely the biggest laugh I heard was the unscripted moment when the cardboard box that one of the actors was sitting on - she who was wearing the fairy costume - collapsed, and she was left in a comic pose, brandishing a wine glass with her legs stuck out in front of her.

Doesn't say much for the script though. Needless to say, I left at the interval. In a hurry. Doubtless to the relief of my next-seat neighbour, who was disturbed at one point by my loud sigh of despair.

Only runs until Saturday, which seems a popular closing date - I know of three things offhand that are closing that day. So lucky you - you only have a couple more days to avoid it!

Let's hope I have better luck with my trek out to the Hackney Empire tomorrow, to see Rudy's Rare Records. And on Saturday, I have better expectations of Sequence 8, at Sadler's Wells.