Film: Murder on the Orient Express

Tonight's bank holiday film on RTÉ1 was the latest, star-studded version of Murder on the Orient Express, released a few years ago. I never did see it, so this was a good opportunity.

It starts out with Hercule Poirot (Kenneth Branagh) blithely solving a crime in Jerusalem. He also directs, and I think it shows here - this section isn't part of the original story, I think, and has a completely different tone from the rest of the film. There's almost a Keystone Cops feel as he dashes merrily around - very Kenneth Branagh, not very Hercule Poirot. I suppose it satisfied his sense of fun.

So he eventually gets onto the Orient Express. I dunno - I've seen other versions of this, and I was expecting it to be more luxurious. Anyway. There's a trainload of recognisable characters - Johnny Depp, Michelle Pfeiffer, Judi Dench (with Olivia Colman as her lady in waiting), Penélope Cruz, Willem Dafoe, Derek Jacobi, Daisy Ridley (in much more conventional dress than her usual garb in Star Wars) - jeez, imagine wandering into the dining car at dinnertime, you wouldn't know where to look! Johnny Depp is soon murdered, just before the train is derailed and they're stuck in the snow, awaiting rescue, and with time to figure out what happened.

Kind of the victory of style over substance - there's a lot of posturing, a lot of odd accents, but although I followed the story, I never thought it took centre stage. People have also pointed out the inconsistencies in M. Poirot's moustache - which, for someone with OCD, is rather unpardonable. Nah, for all that, I found it most underwhelming - did like the mountainous, snowy backdrop they were stuck in, though. Happened to me in the Tyrol, once - without the murder, I should add. No, we were just headed through the Alps on a very cold morning, and the engine froze, leaving us stuck at the side of a mountain for a considerable time. So, that's what I spent most of the film thinking about. The murder? Meh. Couldn't really give a fiddler's. Watch one of the other versions - for all the star content, this is completely forgettable.

On Saturday, I'm back with Up in the Cheap Seats for another musical - Reasons to be Cheerful. Interestingly, for the talk after, we're back on Jitsi again..!